Lifez a full circle..

When we were kids at school, I used to hear this quite often..'Life is a full circle'..one day each one of us in some way or the other will come back from where we started..or..the world is a very small place..run away as far as you possibly can..life will bring you back to the place/person you were running away from..People may think that they have committed mistakes and managed to get away with it..little do they know that fate can play its own tantrums..reward those who deserve to be rewarded, punish those who need to be punished..Life is indeed a full circle.

There have been times when you have left places and memories behind, assuring yourself that whatever happens, you will not look back, not let your past affect your future. And then one day..BANG! your past stares you at your face, laughs and smirks at you..tries to prove you wrong. You have 2 choices then, let it swamp your present with gloomy shadows or stare back at its face and scream out loud..'I care damn'!! Wonder how many of us have the courage to take the second path, how many of us are strong enough to learn from the past.

What do we do when we suddenly meet an old acquaintance..I say acquaintance because we have been confused all our lives trying to decide whether he/she was a friend or a foe..whether you had amicable feelings or a stinging one..was it a relationship gone sour or one that could never flower. Memories are strange things, they can be your biggest strength or your greatest weakness. They can leave you scarred for life, imprint on your heart , and leave you forever restless..or remain as your shadow, always by your side..There have been so many time in my life when I have been made to come face to face with my memories or my past..people,places, situations...It would be wrong if I said I was left unaffected..for am surely ain't that iron at heart..but yes, it has made me wonder, that no matter how much I try and cut them off from me, life would bring me back to the people or the place that I was running from.

'Karma'-our own doings has its own results. I believe and this may differ from what others think, that we bear the consequences of our actions in this birth, there is no carry forward mechanism that would account for the good and bad deeds we do. Be it till the last breath, we will surely get the result no matter how good or bad..This life teaches us the perfect lessons, this is where we make our mistakes, learn from them and reap the results..

The 'circle' may have its own significance for each one of us, for some it may mean being reunited with a long lost love, for others it may mean going back to the roots, from where we came..or as some say its being born from dust and then mingle with the dust in the end..whatever it may be..its a path we all must follow, knowingly or unknowingly..and still be able to realize that we finally did reach from where it all started...

Intezaar...

Lovely lines .. for keepsake :) This one is not an original..

Rukhsat hua to aankh milaa kar nahin gayaa

Woh kyun gayaa hai ye bhii bataa kar nahin gayaa

Woh yun gayaa ke baad-e-sabaa yaad aa gayii

Ehsaas tak bhii hamko dilaa kar nahin gayaa

Yun lag rahaa hai jaise abhi laut aayegaa

Jaate huye chiraag bujhaa kar nahin gayaa

Shaayad vo mil hii jaaye magar justujuu hai shart

Woh apne naqsh-e-paa mitaa kar nahin gayaa

Ghar mein hai aaj tak vohii khushbuu basii huyi

Lagtaa hai yun ke jaise vo aa kar nahin gayaa

Tab tak to phuul jaisii hii taazaa thii uskii yaad

Jab tak vo pattiiyon ko judaa kar nahiin gayaa

Rehne diyaa na usnay kisi kaam kaa mujhe..

Aur khaak main bhi mujhko milaa kar nahi gayaa..

Waisy hii betalab hai abhii merii zindagii..

Wo Khaar-o-Khas main aag lagaa kar nahi gayaa..

Shehzad” ye gilaa hii rahaa uskii yaad se..

Jaatay hue wo koii gilaa kar nahi gayaa...

Friends Forever..

Another year comes to an end..so many memories , good ones, bad ones..people whizzing in and out of life..relationships built n broken..well..the list goes on. I never got time to tell few people what they meant to me..so while I turn another year wiser(maybe :P)..here's the last post of the year dedicated to those who are part of what I am...

Someone has rightly said..you realize a person's worth when he/she is not around you...moving down to Bangalore a year back was perhaps the toughest decision in life..I had assumed that I would be able to live alone out here..little was I aware that I had got so used to the Noida folks that I did not realize the change would hit me so hard..Now I know what I left behind..but am glad that they are still with me..maybe not physically..but that ain't necessary..coz some relationships never require a physical presence..So to the entire gang..Bro',Medha,Sid,Khanduu,Amar,Chinni,Priyank...cheers! And specially to you Kunal...for whatever little time that you were part of our lives.. u have left an indelible print..

Bro', we have had our own share of quarrels and cold wars..days without talking..but I knew you were there always.

Medha..well no words..thanks for just being what you are, for enduring me and my nonsensical ways..for the scooty rides,the chai n' aaloo parathas, the mehendi sessions, the on going lectures about why and how I should lose weight...can actually write a full book on you..and will name it 'The Girl Who Knew How To Bang Her Head On The Wall'( a.k.a. -- me)

Sid..as I say, the incorrigible idiot..nerd..geek..I lose count of the adjectives that I can use for him..He is the biggest torture in terms of logic and never ever made sense to me and I know its the same vice versa as well..but then..we learnt to..what can I say..adapt(:P).He was the one who went ahead and got me a purple bag..even though he completely detested the colour..tried to give a patient hearing to my logics..(which never seemed logical to him), parked his bike on a lower level so that a tiny person like me could easily climb up. The guy with a fetish for our clutchers and clips,unconditional love for Federer and Nadal, and the one who could cook the best arhar ki daal in the gang..He hasn't changed a bit and I bet he'll never.. :)

Khanduu..our lover boy..falling hopelessly in and out of love..the dancer, the dude, the innocent fool.Amar..umm..the one who is more sane when he is drunk. Priyank Cheenu..the dreamy couple with the perfect filmy type love story..am lucky to have you people in my lives..

Bangalore was a surprise for me..new people, new environment..but then there were 3 people who made me feel at home..Madhu,Shweta,n' Matthy..thanks for being there..it sounds filmy I know..but I would actually be lost without you..I know that I have never told you what you guys mean to me..am too bad at that..but no probs..coz you will understand..

Friendship is perhaps the greatest gift that we have in our lives..my friends are my strengths and they are my weaknesses as well..In today's world it is difficult to find a person who is ready to walk along with you, be the one to make you laugh or catch a tear..say straight on your face what a jerk you have been and at the same time surprise you with little nothings.

So..to all of you..no thank yous no sorrys.. no big talks..have a great life ahead and stay the same..Love ya!

JLT..

Haven’t been blogging recently..there have been so many thoughts going on in my mind that clubbing everything into a single heading seemed impossible. Somehow it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep everything within myself, kind of a situation when the liquid has reached a cup’s brim..the saturation point as they say..one drop more and everything would overflow..So here it is, an impromptu blog, couldn’t think of an appropriate heading to it..hence the ‘JLT’ ..

Staring into space, wondering if things could be different, if I could go back into time & change things, turn situations around, be a little more stronger, little more affirmative and confident of myself and my feelings..What makes us behave in a manner that we do not want to behave, why we let go of people when we don’t want to, why we ignore feelings when we know that they are there, and later realize that we were wrong. Time flies by, people move in and out of our lives, and we let the moments slip out of our hands as if they were sand slipping out of our fingers. Looking back, we realize what we let go.

There are other times when we are aware of what we are doing, that it is against what the heart feels, times when we listen our head.. practicality flows in, we are guided by society, norms, family values and in the process give up what we want, or what makes us truly happy, knowing pretty well that the decision would leave us in pain & grief.

Why can’t life be simple, why do we have to go through pain and separation, yes yes..I know, life makes us strong and all..but does it really..I mean, I don’t think I have gained even an iota of strength by following my head when my heart was travelling on a different path. The pain was never less, the guilt never diminished..

People who know me say I am strong, can really handle situations well, am not stirred by emotions and have my life pretty much in place..The fact is quite the opposite, am perhaps the weakest in terms of handling situations, try to avoid them rather than face , have never been able to speak up when I knew something was wrong .. and in matters of the heart .. oh well that’s a different story..wish I could change that chapter completely..

Coming back to reality, knowing what’s gone is gone..memories are there ..and they linger on..leaving a line of smile or a drop of tear..

The Airport..

Jan 22, 2010, I was waiting at the Bangalore Airport for a li'l over an hour now, For those of you who know Bangalore, are well aware how many miles it is from the main city. So ya, having rushed through office work, so that I could leave by 5, didn't happen though, somehow managed to get the bus and prepared myself for the 2 hour journey to the airport. I sat there, fumbling with my laptop keys, answering bro's phone a couple of times only to know that the flight had got delayed. Little did I know, that the 15 min delay would stretch to 2 hours..

Instead of reaching the airport at 7..I reached there at 8, thinking that I was the one who was late..but .. there was more in store. The display at the arrival terminal screamed 'Delayed' at me. Alas! another hour to go.

I have always wondered how authors can write 300-400 pages on the same topic. Drama, emotions, romance, tragedy, comedy.. and a book is born..Well, I was in no mood to write a book though..

Anyways, the airport is an emotional place , literally. You get to see a variety of emotions, -- anxious faces, teary eyes, full smiles.. all at the same time. I saw a guy waving off at his love, who had already stepped inside the airport, giving her directions to reach the security check.

On the other side, there were the parents of a newly wedded bride, who had come to bid farewell to the couple, eyes brimming with tears..Some men in business formals all dressed up to attend client meetings, ..kids excited ones, gloomy ones..

The arrival terminal was an all happy site..hugs , embraces ..the feeling of warmth.

In the midst of the crowd, I suddenly was a part of all the emotions. There was a 0.1 % chance that I would know anyone in the crowd, but they all seemed so familiar. I was also one of them, waiting to meet my brother after almost 5 years, expectations , excitement, anxiety..it was all there..

I didn't realize how time flew and the clock finally chimed 9:30..I searched among the faces to look out for the familiar one, broke out into a grin when I spotted him..Its strange how places and situations make us realize that we are all humans..made of the same emotions and feelings..no matter how rich or poor we are, in the end, there is still a heart that beats..

Love Actually...

Umm..difficult one to write..how I got hold of the topic..well..nothing much, an idle mind wanders..and had watched the movie with the same title recently..

Everyone is kinda after my life .. "Girl get married! "..Year 26 ..it is supposed to be kind of a D-age for girls..OMG !! now what !..no guys..no relationships..what has she been doing all these years..huh..And the cherry on the cake.all my classmates are either married or would be soon.. each of them a love marriage..wow..they are damn lucky I must say..Guys..am so happy for you..spending your life with the one you love ..

Sometimes I wonder, how difficult or easy it is to find that one person..if you r telling me it is easy.. then all I can say is that I haven't figured it out yet because.. nope..my bad..no one has crossed my path so easily..

So, when elders come up with liners like.. "You should have found one'" or "Aren't there good guys in your company" or the latest one- "Take some time out and post your matrimonial profile"..I wonder.. can you find someone so easily..as in are they available at each corner or road turn.. because sometimes with what elders say..they sound like something that is readily available in the market !!

Love is supposed to be one of the best feelings of one's life, for me.. well..I had mentioned this in my very first post..am a girl who loves to dream..and yes..for sure..I have been waiting for the knight in shining armor who would be sweeping me off my feet..not sure if I've been waiting for too long..but does that really matter..

Yeah, I know, if love doesn't bring that special person in my life soon, then I assume that whoever it is that the elders decide on ..would be that special someone..

So..fingers crossed .. and Mr. Special ..u r out there..for God's sake.. stop playing hide and seek..n' show up!

Trust..

Just a 5 lettered word..and yet speaks millions..I just happened to come across this somewhere..can't remember where..& felt like sharing..

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:"No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...

Love goes out when mistrust comes in..we live in a world of assumptions as I say..believing only what we see..In such times, our head rules the heart and we end up not trusting people who we call our own..
Billy Wilder has rightly said - "Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's".

Life is too short to be spent in thinking about insensible things..and wasting time over thoughts that don't matter..Often we say so many things just for the heck of saying overlooking the damaging trail that is left behind..by the time we realize, what is left is the debris of a relationship..

Live every moment..not just for yourself, but also for people who care for you..live selflessly..live it in such a way that years down the line..when you look back..you do it with a smile, without any frets..and fall peacefully into deep slumber..