Friends Forever..

Another year comes to an end..so many memories , good ones, bad ones..people whizzing in and out of life..relationships built n broken..well..the list goes on. I never got time to tell few people what they meant to me..so while I turn another year wiser(maybe :P)..here's the last post of the year dedicated to those who are part of what I am...

Someone has rightly said..you realize a person's worth when he/she is not around you...moving down to Bangalore a year back was perhaps the toughest decision in life..I had assumed that I would be able to live alone out here..little was I aware that I had got so used to the Noida folks that I did not realize the change would hit me so hard..Now I know what I left behind..but am glad that they are still with me..maybe not physically..but that ain't necessary..coz some relationships never require a physical presence..So to the entire gang..Bro',Medha,Sid,Khanduu,Amar,Chinni,Priyank...cheers! And specially to you Kunal...for whatever little time that you were part of our lives.. u have left an indelible print..

Bro', we have had our own share of quarrels and cold wars..days without talking..but I knew you were there always.

Medha..well no words..thanks for just being what you are, for enduring me and my nonsensical ways..for the scooty rides,the chai n' aaloo parathas, the mehendi sessions, the on going lectures about why and how I should lose weight...can actually write a full book on you..and will name it 'The Girl Who Knew How To Bang Her Head On The Wall'( a.k.a. -- me)

Sid..as I say, the incorrigible idiot..nerd..geek..I lose count of the adjectives that I can use for him..He is the biggest torture in terms of logic and never ever made sense to me and I know its the same vice versa as well..but then..we learnt to..what can I say..adapt(:P).He was the one who went ahead and got me a purple bag..even though he completely detested the colour..tried to give a patient hearing to my logics..(which never seemed logical to him), parked his bike on a lower level so that a tiny person like me could easily climb up. The guy with a fetish for our clutchers and clips,unconditional love for Federer and Nadal, and the one who could cook the best arhar ki daal in the gang..He hasn't changed a bit and I bet he'll never.. :)

Khanduu..our lover boy..falling hopelessly in and out of love..the dancer, the dude, the innocent fool.Amar..umm..the one who is more sane when he is drunk. Priyank Cheenu..the dreamy couple with the perfect filmy type love story..am lucky to have you people in my lives..

Bangalore was a surprise for me..new people, new environment..but then there were 3 people who made me feel at home..Madhu,Shweta,n' Matthy..thanks for being there..it sounds filmy I know..but I would actually be lost without you..I know that I have never told you what you guys mean to me..am too bad at that..but no probs..coz you will understand..

Friendship is perhaps the greatest gift that we have in our lives..my friends are my strengths and they are my weaknesses as well..In today's world it is difficult to find a person who is ready to walk along with you, be the one to make you laugh or catch a tear..say straight on your face what a jerk you have been and at the same time surprise you with little nothings.

So..to all of you..no thank yous no sorrys.. no big talks..have a great life ahead and stay the same..Love ya!

JLT..

Haven’t been blogging recently..there have been so many thoughts going on in my mind that clubbing everything into a single heading seemed impossible. Somehow it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep everything within myself, kind of a situation when the liquid has reached a cup’s brim..the saturation point as they say..one drop more and everything would overflow..So here it is, an impromptu blog, couldn’t think of an appropriate heading to it..hence the ‘JLT’ ..

Staring into space, wondering if things could be different, if I could go back into time & change things, turn situations around, be a little more stronger, little more affirmative and confident of myself and my feelings..What makes us behave in a manner that we do not want to behave, why we let go of people when we don’t want to, why we ignore feelings when we know that they are there, and later realize that we were wrong. Time flies by, people move in and out of our lives, and we let the moments slip out of our hands as if they were sand slipping out of our fingers. Looking back, we realize what we let go.

There are other times when we are aware of what we are doing, that it is against what the heart feels, times when we listen our head.. practicality flows in, we are guided by society, norms, family values and in the process give up what we want, or what makes us truly happy, knowing pretty well that the decision would leave us in pain & grief.

Why can’t life be simple, why do we have to go through pain and separation, yes yes..I know, life makes us strong and all..but does it really..I mean, I don’t think I have gained even an iota of strength by following my head when my heart was travelling on a different path. The pain was never less, the guilt never diminished..

People who know me say I am strong, can really handle situations well, am not stirred by emotions and have my life pretty much in place..The fact is quite the opposite, am perhaps the weakest in terms of handling situations, try to avoid them rather than face , have never been able to speak up when I knew something was wrong .. and in matters of the heart .. oh well that’s a different story..wish I could change that chapter completely..

Coming back to reality, knowing what’s gone is gone..memories are there ..and they linger on..leaving a line of smile or a drop of tear..

The Airport..

Jan 22, 2010, I was waiting at the Bangalore Airport for a li'l over an hour now, For those of you who know Bangalore, are well aware how many miles it is from the main city. So ya, having rushed through office work, so that I could leave by 5, didn't happen though, somehow managed to get the bus and prepared myself for the 2 hour journey to the airport. I sat there, fumbling with my laptop keys, answering bro's phone a couple of times only to know that the flight had got delayed. Little did I know, that the 15 min delay would stretch to 2 hours..

Instead of reaching the airport at 7..I reached there at 8, thinking that I was the one who was late..but .. there was more in store. The display at the arrival terminal screamed 'Delayed' at me. Alas! another hour to go.

I have always wondered how authors can write 300-400 pages on the same topic. Drama, emotions, romance, tragedy, comedy.. and a book is born..Well, I was in no mood to write a book though..

Anyways, the airport is an emotional place , literally. You get to see a variety of emotions, -- anxious faces, teary eyes, full smiles.. all at the same time. I saw a guy waving off at his love, who had already stepped inside the airport, giving her directions to reach the security check.

On the other side, there were the parents of a newly wedded bride, who had come to bid farewell to the couple, eyes brimming with tears..Some men in business formals all dressed up to attend client meetings, ..kids excited ones, gloomy ones..

The arrival terminal was an all happy site..hugs , embraces ..the feeling of warmth.

In the midst of the crowd, I suddenly was a part of all the emotions. There was a 0.1 % chance that I would know anyone in the crowd, but they all seemed so familiar. I was also one of them, waiting to meet my brother after almost 5 years, expectations , excitement, anxiety..it was all there..

I didn't realize how time flew and the clock finally chimed 9:30..I searched among the faces to look out for the familiar one, broke out into a grin when I spotted him..Its strange how places and situations make us realize that we are all humans..made of the same emotions and feelings..no matter how rich or poor we are, in the end, there is still a heart that beats..

Love Actually...

Umm..difficult one to write..how I got hold of the topic..well..nothing much, an idle mind wanders..and had watched the movie with the same title recently..

Everyone is kinda after my life .. "Girl get married! "..Year 26 ..it is supposed to be kind of a D-age for girls..OMG !! now what !..no guys..no relationships..what has she been doing all these years..huh..And the cherry on the cake.all my classmates are either married or would be soon.. each of them a love marriage..wow..they are damn lucky I must say..Guys..am so happy for you..spending your life with the one you love ..

Sometimes I wonder, how difficult or easy it is to find that one person..if you r telling me it is easy.. then all I can say is that I haven't figured it out yet because.. nope..my bad..no one has crossed my path so easily..

So, when elders come up with liners like.. "You should have found one'" or "Aren't there good guys in your company" or the latest one- "Take some time out and post your matrimonial profile"..I wonder.. can you find someone so easily..as in are they available at each corner or road turn.. because sometimes with what elders say..they sound like something that is readily available in the market !!

Love is supposed to be one of the best feelings of one's life, for me.. well..I had mentioned this in my very first post..am a girl who loves to dream..and yes..for sure..I have been waiting for the knight in shining armor who would be sweeping me off my feet..not sure if I've been waiting for too long..but does that really matter..

Yeah, I know, if love doesn't bring that special person in my life soon, then I assume that whoever it is that the elders decide on ..would be that special someone..

So..fingers crossed .. and Mr. Special ..u r out there..for God's sake.. stop playing hide and seek..n' show up!

Trust..

Just a 5 lettered word..and yet speaks millions..I just happened to come across this somewhere..can't remember where..& felt like sharing..

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:"No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...

Love goes out when mistrust comes in..we live in a world of assumptions as I say..believing only what we see..In such times, our head rules the heart and we end up not trusting people who we call our own..
Billy Wilder has rightly said - "Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's".

Life is too short to be spent in thinking about insensible things..and wasting time over thoughts that don't matter..Often we say so many things just for the heck of saying overlooking the damaging trail that is left behind..by the time we realize, what is left is the debris of a relationship..

Live every moment..not just for yourself, but also for people who care for you..live selflessly..live it in such a way that years down the line..when you look back..you do it with a smile, without any frets..and fall peacefully into deep slumber..

Emotions..a necessity?

Yes..1:45 in the morn..and such a post.!I should be happily sleeping under the covers by now, and yet ..here it comes.
Is it always absolutely essential to bring out what you feel..I accept that sometimes you need to show what you feel, however..is that always the case?
Does a mother have to show how much she loves her kid..or a husband to his wife..
If I were the kid, then I would say yes..yes i would wait for mom to take me in her arms and sing to me..If I were the wife..yes I would wait to hear him say that I was his life..
The three magic words as they say..what is the importance..There obviously has to be some greatness in just 3 words..coz they are enough to last for a lifetime.
Often in our lives we get so used to the people around us that we start taking them for granted..and this makes us assume that they need not be told about what we feel for them. What we don't realize is that relationships fall apart in a world of assumptions..As the saying goes-'silence speaks a thousand words' and its difficult to track them when they become a volley of shots..
Personally, I have never been good at expressing myself..and in 25 years I hardly ever mustered the courage to say what I feel to anybody .. for that matter..I have let silence do the talking and many a time landed up in isolation..Now, its like a wish to go back into time..alas a wish..!
Love & friendship are perhaps one of the simplest yet the most complicated emotions in our lives..With time we learn to utter words like crazy, slangs are as if part of our daily diction..We might not think twice before cursing out loud..but talk about expressing true love and we run short of words..
So ppl..for all those who are close to me( and there we are in the assumptive world!), I know I have never said and perhaps will never be able to..yes u mean a lot..At various stages, you have been there, varied relationships-

• As my mom when I walked my first step, stumbling , wobbly..
• Dad, when a frightened kid of 5 stepped into a huge green n' white building that was supposed to be her institution for the next 12 years.
• A teacher, when that huge stage and audience scared the shit out of me..
• Siblings ( and that includes the entire gang :) ) when I wanted to be the boss.
• Frnz..guys ..u rock! each one of u wherever u are..
• And for all those who are yet to come into my life..

Thanks just for being there..