Vulnerability...

How vulnerable r u..? Do u have the strength to withstand the forces of time..Are u afraid of losing someone..are u afraid of being betrayed by d person u trusted the most..have there been times when u hv wanted ur past to be different..??
So many questions..There have been many moments which have made me think..have I made the right decision..can I really trust the person walking by my side...and to be frank..most of the times I have been so confused..
I wonder why God created me an emotional fool..someone who thinks from the heart and never for once uses her head..coz umpteen number of times these heart-led decisions have put me into difficult situations...and yet, I stay the same..the same ol' vulnerable fool..
Life has its own ways & means of surprising me..sometimes a bag full of happiness..and other times...a mass of sorrows..but that's the way life is.People say ...forget your past & move on..easier said than done though..because ur past tends to walk along with u at every step..like a shadow..
I am not a person who can let go of things so easily..I tend to take things alongwith me..memories- good or bad of people places or times...Sometimes I feel its my greatest weakness bcoz it stops me from moving on in life..But then the same memories are one of my biggest strengths too...Thatz wat I have when I have don't have the people around me..and that is what I cling to..
Wonder if vulnerability is a positive emotion..or just a fool's weakness.. 25 years..almost stepping on to the 26th..time flies...seriously..faster than the speed of light..(and i forgot what that actually was..3* 10(to d power of 8 or -8)..anyways..forget it )..and still haven't been able to figure this one out or work towards doing something about it..Is it a common thing to be so easily affected by wat ppl say or do ..or is it just me...will I change ever..umm..I guess not..but we shall see..

Till then...let wounds run deep.. :)

Hard to let go...

Have there been times when u have thought that u want to cling on to a person/ppl, hold the time spent with him/her/them, do something that would just capture the moment forever...times when there was a void created and you had no clue how to fill it up..There are so many instances in life when people leave an indelible mark..or other times when u simply cannot let go..
Separation is always accompanied by sorrow..and off late my stock has been a bit on the higher side..moving out of the city I had been staying for the past 4 years was bad...I had been avoiding the day and then suddenly one fine morning it stared straight at my face..n' trust me...it was bad. I felt so helpless..all on my own..have been staying away from home for almost 7 years now..but never been totally alone..especially in Noida. I was so lazy there..totally relying on my roomie..room ka hisaab woh banaye..khana woh banaye..safai woh kare...( i knw i knw...am hopeless)..but actually..I knew I had sm1 thr..to listen to my tantrums..Then, there was this one illogical adorable idiot who cud piss me off to any extent..and happily publish his accomplishment in being able to do so....I miss u ppl..
Now sitting alone in a small room..with the rain pouring outside...sipping ma cup of tea..(ya ... I have made it myself !)..my mind wanders obviously like it always does..so I let it go..
Thinking abt those evenings spent at the HCL chowk..happily hogging on maggi ( with my adorable idiot warning me for the umpteenth time ki 'Moti..phat jayegi..itna mat kha' :D ),or the trips to Big Bazaar for mahine ka raashan...and then piling away all those bags into the only scooty we had..poor thing ... it was supposed to be able to bear only 120 kilos of weight!!..mujhe aur packets mila ke waise hi 100 ho jaate the..the only saving grace wud be the driver..ma roomie..who wud be vanishing into thin air..(she still does btw)..our frequent trips to the least known tourist spots..and the preparation that went behind the trip..Sid spending his li'l mind over the entire agenda..oh btw..Sidz d adorable idiot..
Of course..listening to Khanduz latest love story..of hw his heart went flip flop over the new gal in office..and me thinking..there he strikes again!! :)..oh ..sorry missed out again..Khanduu is Rahul..the chocolate boy of the gang..and of course the rainy days when the roof wud be leaking and Neha(ma second roomie) wud be placing dustbins, buckets..anything dat was basically hollow to collect the dripping drops..aur beech beech mein landlord and uske infamous bete ko 100 gaaliyan dena ..
My constant moments of 'purple freaks' as Medha and Sid wud say...(oopsie, sorry again..Medhaz ma first roomie..d strong gal who has been able to bear me for 4 long yrs..constantly vanishing of course :))..haan..so when everything around me wud be purple..unintentionally..starting from wat I was wearing..right dwn to ma phone..(long story behind dat one..Sidz d right guy to explain)..
Well...nw at a different corner of the map of India..and thinking abt ppl who hav been and shall remain an important chapter to the book of ma life..I smile n cry at d same time..and so does Medha who is reading this post this moment :)..seriously..thanks guys...just for being wht u r...
Am writing this post almost a year after ma last one..time has flown for sure..and I didn't even realize..Guess I shud take blogging more seriously..coz it's fun..atleast it's better than staring at the walls..so lets see..maybe one post every month for starts..no idea if i can hold on to tht one.. :)

Till next time..