Emotions..a necessity?

Yes..1:45 in the morn..and such a post.!I should be happily sleeping under the covers by now, and yet ..here it comes.
Is it always absolutely essential to bring out what you feel..I accept that sometimes you need to show what you feel, however..is that always the case?
Does a mother have to show how much she loves her kid..or a husband to his wife..
If I were the kid, then I would say yes..yes i would wait for mom to take me in her arms and sing to me..If I were the wife..yes I would wait to hear him say that I was his life..
The three magic words as they say..what is the importance..There obviously has to be some greatness in just 3 words..coz they are enough to last for a lifetime.
Often in our lives we get so used to the people around us that we start taking them for granted..and this makes us assume that they need not be told about what we feel for them. What we don't realize is that relationships fall apart in a world of assumptions..As the saying goes-'silence speaks a thousand words' and its difficult to track them when they become a volley of shots..
Personally, I have never been good at expressing myself..and in 25 years I hardly ever mustered the courage to say what I feel to anybody .. for that matter..I have let silence do the talking and many a time landed up in isolation..Now, its like a wish to go back into time..alas a wish..!
Love & friendship are perhaps one of the simplest yet the most complicated emotions in our lives..With time we learn to utter words like crazy, slangs are as if part of our daily diction..We might not think twice before cursing out loud..but talk about expressing true love and we run short of words..
So ppl..for all those who are close to me( and there we are in the assumptive world!), I know I have never said and perhaps will never be able to..yes u mean a lot..At various stages, you have been there, varied relationships-

• As my mom when I walked my first step, stumbling , wobbly..
• Dad, when a frightened kid of 5 stepped into a huge green n' white building that was supposed to be her institution for the next 12 years.
• A teacher, when that huge stage and audience scared the shit out of me..
• Siblings ( and that includes the entire gang :) ) when I wanted to be the boss.
• Frnz..guys ..u rock! each one of u wherever u are..
• And for all those who are yet to come into my life..

Thanks just for being there..

Vulnerability...

How vulnerable r u..? Do u have the strength to withstand the forces of time..Are u afraid of losing someone..are u afraid of being betrayed by d person u trusted the most..have there been times when u hv wanted ur past to be different..??
So many questions..There have been many moments which have made me think..have I made the right decision..can I really trust the person walking by my side...and to be frank..most of the times I have been so confused..
I wonder why God created me an emotional fool..someone who thinks from the heart and never for once uses her head..coz umpteen number of times these heart-led decisions have put me into difficult situations...and yet, I stay the same..the same ol' vulnerable fool..
Life has its own ways & means of surprising me..sometimes a bag full of happiness..and other times...a mass of sorrows..but that's the way life is.People say ...forget your past & move on..easier said than done though..because ur past tends to walk along with u at every step..like a shadow..
I am not a person who can let go of things so easily..I tend to take things alongwith me..memories- good or bad of people places or times...Sometimes I feel its my greatest weakness bcoz it stops me from moving on in life..But then the same memories are one of my biggest strengths too...Thatz wat I have when I have don't have the people around me..and that is what I cling to..
Wonder if vulnerability is a positive emotion..or just a fool's weakness.. 25 years..almost stepping on to the 26th..time flies...seriously..faster than the speed of light..(and i forgot what that actually was..3* 10(to d power of 8 or -8)..anyways..forget it )..and still haven't been able to figure this one out or work towards doing something about it..Is it a common thing to be so easily affected by wat ppl say or do ..or is it just me...will I change ever..umm..I guess not..but we shall see..

Till then...let wounds run deep.. :)

Hard to let go...

Have there been times when u have thought that u want to cling on to a person/ppl, hold the time spent with him/her/them, do something that would just capture the moment forever...times when there was a void created and you had no clue how to fill it up..There are so many instances in life when people leave an indelible mark..or other times when u simply cannot let go..
Separation is always accompanied by sorrow..and off late my stock has been a bit on the higher side..moving out of the city I had been staying for the past 4 years was bad...I had been avoiding the day and then suddenly one fine morning it stared straight at my face..n' trust me...it was bad. I felt so helpless..all on my own..have been staying away from home for almost 7 years now..but never been totally alone..especially in Noida. I was so lazy there..totally relying on my roomie..room ka hisaab woh banaye..khana woh banaye..safai woh kare...( i knw i knw...am hopeless)..but actually..I knew I had sm1 thr..to listen to my tantrums..Then, there was this one illogical adorable idiot who cud piss me off to any extent..and happily publish his accomplishment in being able to do so....I miss u ppl..
Now sitting alone in a small room..with the rain pouring outside...sipping ma cup of tea..(ya ... I have made it myself !)..my mind wanders obviously like it always does..so I let it go..
Thinking abt those evenings spent at the HCL chowk..happily hogging on maggi ( with my adorable idiot warning me for the umpteenth time ki 'Moti..phat jayegi..itna mat kha' :D ),or the trips to Big Bazaar for mahine ka raashan...and then piling away all those bags into the only scooty we had..poor thing ... it was supposed to be able to bear only 120 kilos of weight!!..mujhe aur packets mila ke waise hi 100 ho jaate the..the only saving grace wud be the driver..ma roomie..who wud be vanishing into thin air..(she still does btw)..our frequent trips to the least known tourist spots..and the preparation that went behind the trip..Sid spending his li'l mind over the entire agenda..oh btw..Sidz d adorable idiot..
Of course..listening to Khanduz latest love story..of hw his heart went flip flop over the new gal in office..and me thinking..there he strikes again!! :)..oh ..sorry missed out again..Khanduu is Rahul..the chocolate boy of the gang..and of course the rainy days when the roof wud be leaking and Neha(ma second roomie) wud be placing dustbins, buckets..anything dat was basically hollow to collect the dripping drops..aur beech beech mein landlord and uske infamous bete ko 100 gaaliyan dena ..
My constant moments of 'purple freaks' as Medha and Sid wud say...(oopsie, sorry again..Medhaz ma first roomie..d strong gal who has been able to bear me for 4 long yrs..constantly vanishing of course :))..haan..so when everything around me wud be purple..unintentionally..starting from wat I was wearing..right dwn to ma phone..(long story behind dat one..Sidz d right guy to explain)..
Well...nw at a different corner of the map of India..and thinking abt ppl who hav been and shall remain an important chapter to the book of ma life..I smile n cry at d same time..and so does Medha who is reading this post this moment :)..seriously..thanks guys...just for being wht u r...
Am writing this post almost a year after ma last one..time has flown for sure..and I didn't even realize..Guess I shud take blogging more seriously..coz it's fun..atleast it's better than staring at the walls..so lets see..maybe one post every month for starts..no idea if i can hold on to tht one.. :)

Till next time..

Walk Down Memory Lane..

Don't even ask me y I decided to write this post..coz I have no clue..I was telling one of my frnz that I needed a topic to write on...that I hadn't written anything in ages...so..here we go...No idea what it will turn to be..but then..wats d harm in taking a risk .. So..lets c..umm..what would u do if u were given a whole day to spend ..free from office..or watever ur everyday routine is. To some it may sound boring..others might be excited..24 hrs to urself..nw dats something! What would I do..well..my mind wanders whenever it is idle.

Those who know me ..would say that I think a lot..about d past..about what cud happen in the future..My bro' says it shows on my face..that I am lost in my thoughts.Quite possible..but I like to think about my past..walk down memory lane...think about the good times I spent with people..or times when I was hurt..of frnz n family..of things that cud have been better..

How many of u think about your schooldays..most ppl I knw say that they don't remember those days much..It's different with me..it might sound weird to some..but those days are etched in my memory..as clear as crystal..the tiffin breaks..when I used to gobble up biscuits..love the lunch packed in my frnd's boxes more than what Mum had packed for me..crib when the recess bell rang coz it meant that we had to stomp our way back to class.. I miss the school fests..when I used to get this kinda waiver from classes so that I cud practice..twas fun..jamming sessions when the drums n guitars would play as they had never played before.. :)

When I sit to think .. I really miss those carefree days..never had any problems..if there were..they were handled even before u got to know they ever existed..when we cud think free..let our fantasies fly..be what we wanted to be..without bothering about what others would think..

When we were young we couldn't wait to grow old..now that we have, we wish those days never ended..

Books n' Frnz Shud b Few n' Gud..

Someone once commented on me..that I wasn't an open book...Come to think of it...Y shud I be one..Why shud I pour my heart out to any and every one who comes into my life...I never ever wanted to have a crowd of frnz all buzzing around me..Hell..I don't consider myself as perfect nor do I want become someone who is 'not reachable' kinds..just that I am quite happy with those few frnz..no matter how less the number is.. There might come a day when I have no one left..u may ask..what wud I do..wud I repent..that I hadn't chosen a bunch more of dem..not really..coz I wud still be there for myself..just d way I still am..Its really strange how one can befriend oneself..It actually pulls u thro' those times when u have no one way around u.. I don't know how many of u believe dat u can spend so much time wid just urself..without getting bored..People think u might me a nerd...an introvert..but at the end of d day..its just u and u..So..dats hw I am..my Best Friend. I came across his quote from Confucious..really don't know whether I should agree or disagree..

"I do not want a friend..who smiles when I smile..who weeps when I weep
For my shadow in the pool..can do better than that".

Sometimes in life..you make this entire group of frnz..who r just ..a group..and den u r left lookingfor that face in the crowd..that one face that wud make u smile..I don't wanna b in such a situation ever..n' dats y..my frnz r few..just like those few selected books that u keep on ur rack...the books u can read over n' over again..n' never get bored..or dat one book that lies by ur bedside each night before u put off the lights and go into ur dreams..

First Attempt...Kinda Nervous..

Well...this is my very first attempt at writing a blog...never found the idea intriguing...but then with time..and as I kept reading other blogs..u cud say that i was kind of inspired to write one too..
So..thanks to Aneesh, for constantly nagging and pestering me to create a blog,and to Sheetal..and her friend :) whose blog actually ignited that spark ...

For ppl who don't know me..am Anannya..the name means 'unique' and many ask me the reason behind the extra 'N'..I really don't know except for the fact that the name when spelt in Hindi has an extra 'n'..so for the time being..lets take this reason..as long as some of u don't come up with a better one :)

Describing me..is a bit difficult...can't help it..all Geminis are the same...u really can't judge a Gemini by the exterior..so even though I try to maintain a cool n' composed exterior, I too have my share of mood swings.though the only sad thing is that I cannot vent my anger..so it stays within...
Hobbies..umm..singing..dats always been there..painiting ..I used to paint a lot till the time I was in school...but hardly get time now..though it still remains the best way to express my moods..
I sometimes wonder...am I practical or someone who dreams a lot...like the types who wait for their knight in shining armour..frnz wud opt for the first option..n i for the 2nd..coz no matter how much I deny..the fact is that I luv to dream..and wish that each dream comes true...

Isn't the post becoming a bit too long..as in shudnt a 'first attempt' be short...and hell..it doesn't even look like am nervous..as the title goes...damn..I shud better stop..right here right now.. :)